I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
