Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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