so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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