True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
