dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
