Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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