Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
