I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
