i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
