actually, I'm a sock model
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
