Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
