She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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