I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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