Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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