im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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