Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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