Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
