I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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