nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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