call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My life is pants optional.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
