Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
