I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
