Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
