just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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