it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
