Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
