Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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