He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
