apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i think i just lost a toe
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
