In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
