She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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