i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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