I wish you could order shots online.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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