I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
