I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
