I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
