i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
