She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
