omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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