I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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