his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
