I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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