I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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