she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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