i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
