And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
