yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
