Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
