The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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