i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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