I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
