yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
